among my give-away-treasures

He was my neighbor.
6 months back
I met him first as I rushed into the already closing escalator. Seeing his scared face I gave him a healing smile. That was the first time I saw him this close. Neatly ironed formal wear, shiny shoes, clean shave, chest out, head high. I looked at myself. Cotton pants, short kurta, flat sandals, long cloth bag and wet hair. He started keenly observing me. His eyes grew wide and I noticed a small smile at the corner of his lips. He stood opposite watching me wrap the colorful stole around my neck, pushing things carelessly into my bag and wearing the earing . All throughout me returning his smile. As we reached the ground floor I just finished tying up my hair into a pony tail and felt finally ready for my day. He got out quickly and started walking towards the gate, few steps and he turned back.
" That pony tail doesn't look good"

Annoyed, I opened my hair. I slowed down waiting for him to reach his car and for my friend to start the bike.

Strictly coincidence.We started seeing each other more often. Fresh in the mornings, exhausted in the evenings, bored by mid-week, tired at the super market and annoyed in the corridors with calls from office. We were in the same mood every time we met and we shared a million feelings without a word. We never spoke. We never had to.
On a particular day as I walked to the veranda of the flat to dry my clothes I heard someone on the phone. It was him. Once I finished hanging my clothes and turned, he was right behind me. I felt embarrassed- wet, dirty and tired after washing the clothes. But he didn't seems to notice any of it.

" Have you being to the terrace on 7th floor. It is nice at night. I go there every evening, would you like to join? "

I stood there confused at what was happening.

" I will meet you near the escalator at 7" without waiting for any reply he started walking to his flat which was just next to mine.

7:00pm. I dressed carefully careless. As I opened the main door ,he was already there. We smiled and got into the escalator and pressed for 7th floor. Since that day we met every evening in the terrace and shared a million thoughts and feelings. Obvious enough the relationship took a turn. Kissing my forehead and holding my hands he said he loved me and want me in his life. I walked away saying " I cant".

I have always being this way.Incapable and scared to give myself one more chance.

1 week back

I was pushing open the door to a optical shop.

"Excuse me"
I turned back quickly shocked at the familiar voice
" you?" my eyes widened.
" Are you in a hurry?" he asked me apologetically.
" No but where were you? you vacated without telling a word. Its been 5 months!"

I walked close to him. I wanted to hug him tight but folding my hands I stood there trying not to steal his warmth and love.

"I was in Mumbai but now back to Bangalore"
Beating my tears and happiness I walked quietly with him to the coffee shop. How lonely and lost I felt in his absence!

" You look very different. five months and so much change? "

I looked up from the menu

"Change like what?"

"You are wearing a new floaters and watch. and I notice you had a hair cut" he smiled

I laughed at how he spotted everything.

" and your tired dark eyes...  " he whispered looking into my eyes...searching for something.

" too busy for creams you see" I tried to laugh.

he took my hands in his " your hands are rough now ! you are washing a lot of clothes and dishes I suppose"

Trying to laugh I pulled away my hands from his.

Coffee came cold with the bill.

" I notice you are quite today"

Clearing my throat I got ready for a careful conversation " just tired after work"

" Sure you look exhausted with those tired eyes but you are still so beautiful. Is it the sparkle in your eyes or your scary laughter? or maybe I love the way your lips tremble and eyes fill when I talk like this"

I got up and left the place.

I wish he waits till I have the courage to give myself one more chance. To trust and stand up for my love.

now playing: toy soldiers (eminem)